The Onion

Napkinless Man With Grease-Covered Fingers Realizes He Trapped In A Prison Of His Own Creation

FLORENCE, SC—Lamenting his lack of foresight and preparation in choosing to have a full order of barbecued chicken wings without a proper supply of wiping materials, diner Eddie Schubert, 32, sat napkinless at his kitchen table Tuesday, staring in dismay at his grease-covered fingers while realizi...